***
“I don’t live here anymore…” for those who watch “Sex and The City”, Carrie Bradshaw uttered this line to Big, full of emotions.
In one way or the other, we have said this same line to someone…or we have heard this line somewhere…
There is a point in our life when we just want to vanish into thin air and never look back again; no telephone or mobile numbers to contact, any house number or street number to locate.
It is like we don’t exist at all. No trace of remembrance whatsoever. There are times when we just want certain people to disappear right out of our sight.
Out of anger, frustration, desperation, we want to be just by ourselves, not feeling to be with someone.
It is our selfish way of shielding our hurts and bruised souls. Not letting other people see who we are at our lowest and worst episodes.
We would always want to come out of every situation unscathed; like we are our own heroes who always victor over the enemies.
What if your enemy turns out to be your self? How do you win over our own self? Can you simply shout, “ I don’t live here anymore?”
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Is it over?
***
For those who hardly know they are there yet…
It is over. Boy said goodbye. Girl cried. Or let’s make it the other way around. Girl said goodbye. Boy cried. They both cried. Is it over?
When is it really over? Is it when you stop crying? Is it when you stop thinking of him or her? Is it when you start taking his or her calls and start talking? Is it when you go to a familiar place and not feel any tug at your heart?
Is it over? Are you really over him or her when you can laugh and smile along with friends at a party without wondering where he or she is at that time? Is it over, when you can last a day without one single thought of him?
Is it over? When you look forward to sunset instead of sunrise? Is it over when you cry in your sleep and wake up with dreams of him or her? Is it over when you treat yourself to luscious ice cream in cone without thinking of him or her being there to share it with?
Is it over? When you begin to build your dreams not around him or her? Is it over when you feel that life is better off without him or her? It is over when love is lovelier with someone else than with him or her? Is it over when you begin to call him or her FRIEND?
For those who hardly know they are there yet…
It is over. Boy said goodbye. Girl cried. Or let’s make it the other way around. Girl said goodbye. Boy cried. They both cried. Is it over?
When is it really over? Is it when you stop crying? Is it when you stop thinking of him or her? Is it when you start taking his or her calls and start talking? Is it when you go to a familiar place and not feel any tug at your heart?
Is it over? Are you really over him or her when you can laugh and smile along with friends at a party without wondering where he or she is at that time? Is it over, when you can last a day without one single thought of him?
Is it over? When you look forward to sunset instead of sunrise? Is it over when you cry in your sleep and wake up with dreams of him or her? Is it over when you treat yourself to luscious ice cream in cone without thinking of him or her being there to share it with?
Is it over? When you begin to build your dreams not around him or her? Is it over when you feel that life is better off without him or her? It is over when love is lovelier with someone else than with him or her? Is it over when you begin to call him or her FRIEND?
Helicopter
***
Coming home from work one day, Raine and I set out to find that toys store just around the bend of our Shara Kahraba accommodation which one colleague beamed about having bought a fantastic helicopter that flies up to 100 meters high.
Raine and I both have little boys who would be so ecstatic about having a toy helicopter that actually flies and so we braved the humid night and sweated out our way to find the store.
The very landmark of the store’s location is the Arab roundabout. Roundabouts are part of Doha’s thoroughfare. Setting out for a search would be a lot easier if one knows the roundabout close or within the area. Searching for the old, cream-colored building where the store is, we found ourselves entering a uniquely built complex which I have never been to before since I came to Doha. We were caught in awe of the surroundings. It seemed like we were transported from the present to the old Doha right in the middle of one of the busiest areas in Doha. The main attraction of the place is the antique shops. First thing, we got what we came for, the helicopter and the rest is just splendid. We clicked photos everywhere. We did not realize that we actually spent more than one hour in the complex until we noticed shops closing one by one. When the street is almost empty and all we could hear were our tired footsteps, we clicked one last photo and off we went home. Walking all the way home, we could not help but marvel still at the beauty of the place we’ve just been to.
How come I missed that place when I thought I’ve seen all of Doha myself, huh?
How come I missed that place when I thought I’ve seen all of Doha myself, huh?
OFW
I wrote this piece shortly after I came to Qatar in 2004...
Going out of the country is probably the most sought-after dream for most kabayans nowadays. For some it is merely an adventure while to many it is for economic reasons. I never thought nor imagined that one day I’d be joining the roster of the overseas contract workers (OCWs) after eight years of gainful employment back home.
Then, jumping from one job to another was both worthwhile and fulfilling in many ways. The pleasure of traveling within the country showed me the true pictures of various realities of life; from the simple living in the countryside to the much economically challenging urban life. Along with the changing times, come the more vivid pictures of life’s realities that bite back. As more responsibilities come into play, the demand for equally rewarding and compensating job necessitates some bold and hard decisions, which may not be viewed by some as the wisest, though.
I just came back recently from a bitter-sweet hiatus in Philippines. It is always a very good feeling to be back in the comforts of what we call home. Nothing comes close to the warmth which embraces your whole being as soon as you step out of the aircraft and see the genuine smiles and receive the hugs and kisses of your loved ones.
Hellos are sweeter than goodbyes. I just think there is no sweet goodbye only painful one. When it’s time to leave, I felt a tug at my heart. I call myself an absentee-mother. It hurts. I was not there on his first day at pre-kindergarten. It is just amazing that in God’s grace my son is growing up fine and smart.
Qatar, anyone?
It was on a Friday in October of 2004 when I first came to Doha. The humid evening air greeted us at the airport. Eight hours on the plane gave me the feeling that indeed I was too far away from home – family, friends, Luneta and Lorenz, my son. I mustered enough strength and courage not to look back and say goodbye to my son who was barely 3 years old then. For so many nights and days, his young mind wondered where and why I was going away.
Scanning (but never staring) the faces of the unfamiliar crowd, we were politely approached by
the company driver who came to fetch us. On the way to our accommodation, I looked for familiar shops and buildings but found none. It then dawned on me that I was totally in different place. It was more than a consolation that I would be staying with fellow Filipinos in our flat. And that we all speak the same language!
My firsts
My first day at work was on a Saturday. I could hardly sleep the night before. The humid air again welcomed me outside. During the day I had a better view of the buildings and the houses while we traveled going to the office. To me the buildings and surroundings looked dull. The manager spoke with me very briefly and I left for the day. My first day ended with thoughts of home lingering until I dozed off; for how long I could not remember.
My first trip to the souq gave me a “homey” experience. It was like I went to
Manila’s Divisoria or Quiapo where cheap items ply. And kabayans are in every corner of the souq – either bargaining for already cheap goods, idling time away chatting with friends or hanging out in one Filipino restaurant sweating out over a bowl of bulalo!
Summer glows and blows!
Soon winter season gave way to summer which proved to be really hot! As summer set in, some ugly zits surfaced on my face which left me really worried. As days were becoming hotter and drier, one painful boil grew on my armpit which caused me sleepless nights.
Walking down the Corniche on cool evenings gives me a light feeling. It reminds me of home again – Bay Walk in Manila. The calm sea breeze, families picnicking, children playing and yes, mani vendors on pedal!
In & Out of Season
I have seen both the good and the bad that came with each season. There were days when life seemed so difficult that I yearned for home. The people you have come to call as friends become cold and uncaring at times to the point of being insensitive. Just like the changing seasons people change, too. Hooray to those who stick with you through dust and dusk!
Every one of us has his or her own stories to tell. The highlights may be different with unpredictable twists and turns but just the same these are experiences that become part of our lives. Probably the most popular ones are those relating to love; finding and losing it. This is one subject where each and every one is put to test. Judgment is held a right not by anyone else, but by God’s.
Moments come when you feel too weak to resist the call to sin; too strong to act at the moment only to realize later that something has gone wrong somewhere. Feelings hurt, spirits broken…
I was not spared from the hurts that inflict the human soul. My greatest fear became my weakest link. Choosing right over wrong was overshadowed by a thick cloud of confusion and deception.
At the end of each day, one seeks solace. Home may be a thousand miles away but rich memories of love, smiles and laughter and even tears are enough to help us through. Most of all, the infinite love of God assures us that everything falls into place at the right season.
I hope life will be kind to me and to those whom I have left behind. I dream of a day when there are no more goodbyes…
Going out of the country is probably the most sought-after dream for most kabayans nowadays. For some it is merely an adventure while to many it is for economic reasons. I never thought nor imagined that one day I’d be joining the roster of the overseas contract workers (OCWs) after eight years of gainful employment back home.
Then, jumping from one job to another was both worthwhile and fulfilling in many ways. The pleasure of traveling within the country showed me the true pictures of various realities of life; from the simple living in the countryside to the much economically challenging urban life. Along with the changing times, come the more vivid pictures of life’s realities that bite back. As more responsibilities come into play, the demand for equally rewarding and compensating job necessitates some bold and hard decisions, which may not be viewed by some as the wisest, though.
I just came back recently from a bitter-sweet hiatus in Philippines. It is always a very good feeling to be back in the comforts of what we call home. Nothing comes close to the warmth which embraces your whole being as soon as you step out of the aircraft and see the genuine smiles and receive the hugs and kisses of your loved ones.
Hellos are sweeter than goodbyes. I just think there is no sweet goodbye only painful one. When it’s time to leave, I felt a tug at my heart. I call myself an absentee-mother. It hurts. I was not there on his first day at pre-kindergarten. It is just amazing that in God’s grace my son is growing up fine and smart.
Qatar, anyone?
It was on a Friday in October of 2004 when I first came to Doha. The humid evening air greeted us at the airport. Eight hours on the plane gave me the feeling that indeed I was too far away from home – family, friends, Luneta and Lorenz, my son. I mustered enough strength and courage not to look back and say goodbye to my son who was barely 3 years old then. For so many nights and days, his young mind wondered where and why I was going away.
Scanning (but never staring) the faces of the unfamiliar crowd, we were politely approached by
the company driver who came to fetch us. On the way to our accommodation, I looked for familiar shops and buildings but found none. It then dawned on me that I was totally in different place. It was more than a consolation that I would be staying with fellow Filipinos in our flat. And that we all speak the same language!
My firsts
My first day at work was on a Saturday. I could hardly sleep the night before. The humid air again welcomed me outside. During the day I had a better view of the buildings and the houses while we traveled going to the office. To me the buildings and surroundings looked dull. The manager spoke with me very briefly and I left for the day. My first day ended with thoughts of home lingering until I dozed off; for how long I could not remember.
My first trip to the souq gave me a “homey” experience. It was like I went to
Manila’s Divisoria or Quiapo where cheap items ply. And kabayans are in every corner of the souq – either bargaining for already cheap goods, idling time away chatting with friends or hanging out in one Filipino restaurant sweating out over a bowl of bulalo!
Summer glows and blows!
Soon winter season gave way to summer which proved to be really hot! As summer set in, some ugly zits surfaced on my face which left me really worried. As days were becoming hotter and drier, one painful boil grew on my armpit which caused me sleepless nights.
Walking down the Corniche on cool evenings gives me a light feeling. It reminds me of home again – Bay Walk in Manila. The calm sea breeze, families picnicking, children playing and yes, mani vendors on pedal!
In & Out of Season
I have seen both the good and the bad that came with each season. There were days when life seemed so difficult that I yearned for home. The people you have come to call as friends become cold and uncaring at times to the point of being insensitive. Just like the changing seasons people change, too. Hooray to those who stick with you through dust and dusk!
Every one of us has his or her own stories to tell. The highlights may be different with unpredictable twists and turns but just the same these are experiences that become part of our lives. Probably the most popular ones are those relating to love; finding and losing it. This is one subject where each and every one is put to test. Judgment is held a right not by anyone else, but by God’s.
Moments come when you feel too weak to resist the call to sin; too strong to act at the moment only to realize later that something has gone wrong somewhere. Feelings hurt, spirits broken…
I was not spared from the hurts that inflict the human soul. My greatest fear became my weakest link. Choosing right over wrong was overshadowed by a thick cloud of confusion and deception.
At the end of each day, one seeks solace. Home may be a thousand miles away but rich memories of love, smiles and laughter and even tears are enough to help us through. Most of all, the infinite love of God assures us that everything falls into place at the right season.
I hope life will be kind to me and to those whom I have left behind. I dream of a day when there are no more goodbyes…
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